


Let it Go

by TinkerMel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drowning, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:27:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26744356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinkerMel/pseuds/TinkerMel
Summary: The sensation of the water surrounding you was always a calming one. But when did it become the only way you could relax.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 57





	Let it Go

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finally wrote something of substance.  
> Well, I say that.  
> This was more what would rattle around in my head on a night. I needed to write it down.

The sensation of the water surrounding you was always a calming one. But when did it become the only way you could relax. Since when did the thought of slipping beneath the water till the sweet embrace of nothing took you outgrew the rational part of your brain.

Here you are the bathtub the water covering your shoulders. Your wet hair clinging to your face and neck.

When you got in the water was so hot it was almost scolding. But now it was luke warm. How long you were in there you didn’t know. You did make sure to lock the bathroom door. The last thing you needed was for someone to see you in this way.

You slipped below the water till your head was on the bottom and the breath you took before slips from your mouth in a slow stream of bubbles. You throat tight from the lack of oxygen.

You shut your eyes and scream. The water fills your mouth and nose. It burns so much; nobody tells you that.

You didn’t want to die that morning. If anything it was a good day. You had met your friend at the café on the corner from your apartment block. You smiled and laughed as you both caught up. When you said goodbye as she left to go to her job. The weight that pushes down on your body returned.

You walked back to your apartment slowly, your next-door neighbour passed you in the hall, he threw you are kind smile. One that you tried to return but it didn’t quite make it to your eyes. You open your door and slip inside, dropped your keys in the dish and walked into the living room. Collapsing on the sofa you pull your phone out to see that there were no messages. (Why would there be)

You stood up and went to your bathroom and started running a bath. (maybe it would calm me)

The bath filled quicker than you had anticipated. You ran it as hot as you could get it. Stripping out of your clothes was a thought too much. You simply step in fully clothed and let the hot water take you away from your thoughts.

Which leads you back to where you were now. Beneath the water, screaming out all the hurt all the pain. Your sight began to darken at the edges. Soon you thought. Soon I can finally rest.

\---

You didn’t know this then but when you passed him in the hallway, he was worried about you. When he first saw you and you smiled at him, properly smiled at him, that he felt his heart skip a beat. Your kind, sweet and loving smile. He had noticed that over the last 6 months you had been losing your sparkle. When he passed you that time, he made it halfway down the block before turning back. Something settled heavy in his stomach.

He knocked on your apartment door. Minutes passed but there was no answer. He knocked again.

“(Y/n)? It’s Bucky. Can you open the door?” Still no answer. He hammered his flesh fist against the door. “(Y/N)! I know you are in there.”

Silence answered back.

“(Y/n) I’m coming in.” He takes out the spare key you gave him for emergencies. Unlocking the door he walks in and sees your phone on the coffee table. Then notices your shoes outside the bathroom door. The light was on which was a good sign. He knocked gently on the door.

“Hey, you okay in there?” He asked gently. You still didn’t reply. He knocked and asked again. Still nothing. He tried the door to find it locked.

He started banging on the door. “(Y/n) please open up.”

FUCK. Bucky knew you would have answered back by now. He was worrying now. Not wanting to take any chances he kicked in the door.

“No.” He ran to the almost overflowing bath and pulled you up and out of the water. “No. please no.” his hand tried to feel for a pulse. There was nothing. “No No No, come on Doll wake up.” He lays you on your back and starts chest compressions.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Your body still and unmoving.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

“Come on, come on!!”

He repeats and repeats.

“Fight damn it. FIGHT (Y/N)!”

\---

You thought that it would be like a sweet dream. Little did you know that is was not. Something was pulling at you. Was it meant to be like this?

Your could hear someone screaming at you. There was pain flooding your chest.

You jolt back into the light and cough the water that had situated in your lungs. You heaved and heaved as the water spilled on your bathroom floor. Someone was holding you as you came back to yourself. You looked at the arms around you recognizing them immediately.

“Buck?” You croaked out.

“Yeah, I’m here I got you. I got you.”

Tears filled your eyes.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t . . . I didn’t mean to. It just felt like . . .”

“No, don’t say it.”

“Why?”

“Because it would kill me to hear that you wanted to . . . leave.”

You turn in his embrace and clutch at his Henley shirt. You were sodden but Bucky didn’t care. He held you so tight, his head buried in your neck as he rocked you both back and forth.

“I’m just so tired. So tired.”

“I know Doll but please don’t go about this yourself. Seek help. Call me if anything I will promise to always answer.”

You cling to his shirt tighter and he kisses your temple.

“I’ve got you now, I’m not going anywhere.”

Both of you sit on the floor till you began to shiver. Signalling him to pick you up bridal style and carried you to your bedroom.

“Lets get you into something warm.” He sits you down on the edge of the bed to rummage in your drawers till he found some soft pyjama bottoms and an oversized shirt. “Do you need me to help?”

You nodded slowly. Your body feeling too heavy to move your limbs by yourself.

Bucky kneels before you and starts by taking your socks and jeans off. You helped a little by lifting your body to assist in taking your clothes off. He soon had you in dry warm clothes. He helped you stand to bring you back to your living room. He sat you down about to pull you against him again did he realise that his clothes were still wet.

Looking behind him, he pulled the thick blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped you in it. Then pulled you back against his chest. You snuggled into the warmth of the blanket. His arms held your body like he was scared that you would disappear at any moment.

“Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I need help but I am scared.”

“I know but this is the first step in recovery. Asking for help.”

Your head rests over his heart. The steady thump thump thump. Was almost as calm as when you were in water. But this you knew was safer. 

It was grounding. 

It was life.


End file.
